


Day Two/Brian

by baekkieony



Series: six days of sadness [2]
Category: Day6
Genre: Cutting, Death, I'm Sorry, Jaehyungparkian, Love, M/M, Major Character Injury, Sad, Scars, i dunno what to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 19:37:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11111412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekkieony/pseuds/baekkieony
Summary: Where Brian lost a friend for a realization.(I'm so freaking bad at writing summaries)





	Day Two/Brian

**Author's Note:**

> That's part two :) I think the main paring from this series is going to be Jaehyungparkian, becuz it's my otp (sorry for orthographic mistakes)

“Meeting is at five. Be in time, Jae!”, Brian yelled after Jae, making sure that Jae would get the hint to not annoy their leader this time. It was hard enough the last time, with their comeback, with their preparations, with all the stress and pressure they had to deal with everyday.

But Jae was careless. Yes, he wrote his lyrics in time, came to their meetings, was (mostly) in time and after all a shoulder to lean on for every member. But sometimes, Jae asked himself where his shoulder to lean on was. He was not even the leader, but it felt like he was the one taking care of his other members all the time. And then dared Sungjin to tell him to be in fucking time, when he didn't even manage finish his lines in time?

It was just unfair.

Fucking unfair.

The anger, the anger which shoot up trough his whole body, when he only had to spare a glance at Sungjin, it was incredible. Maybe Jae wasn't the type to hate anyone, but the there's always “but”. And this “but” was Sungjin.

Jae knew, that he wasn't the most liked member. Maybe it was Wonpil or Brian – he lost it after the third variety show – or so, but being the only one coming out of the airport with not even one gift – while the others had tons of – scratches on your confidence. And there were times when even Jae – with his always smiley face – couldn't hide it. But at least he was mature enough to not show it to his members. It was in front of his rare friends when Jae had his “five seconds”.

The other time, Jae just swallowed the anger down his throat, until it built up an uncomfortable lump, making it hard to speak without lying. Lying was one of Jae's specialities; in the years he spent with his fellow members he maybe had found out about the art of lying. 

It was natural, it flowed by itself and he couldn't control it. But sometimes Jae ran after all his lies and hit his head on reality. There's a reason why you say “lies have short legs”.

It was one of this days.

Jae was punctual at the meeting, being the first one in their studio with all the guitars. He liked it when it was so silent and peacefully, reminding him of the rare time he has alone. He dedicated his life to music and this business eats you up; your voice, your health, your body. It felt like he didn't sell his voice, more like he sold his soul.

Fame for being a human; with all he shit coming together with the possibility of still feeling something. He's one of these lifeless bodies, being arrested in his self-made borders. A rough diamond, polished to a worthless rock. People can create diamonds out of sand, but people can also create sand out of diamonds. Everybody has a diamond inside, only what you're going to do with it is all alone to you.

Jae would spent millions of won to be able to feel something more than icy coldness again.

That's the point where everybody's for sale.

Jae took out the lyrics he had to finish until exactly now and made sure that they were in the correct order. Just in time his other members entered the studio, being noisy as always and Jae felt the sudden urge to throw up. 

When everybody had found a place anywhere near to Sungjin in the room, Sungjin started the meeting. “Okay, has everyone his lyrics? I expect them to be as good as always”, Sungjin asked and Jae laughed to himself quietly.

“Says the one who can't even finish his own lyrics in time, not even without grammar or spelling mistakes”, Jae mumbled to himself, but Sungjin’s head shot up in a second. “Did you say something”, his voice was sweet like sugar, dripped in irony. “No, why should I?”, Jae replied innocently – or at least he pretended to. “Good, I won't be necessary anyway”, Jae heard Dowoon's chuckle.

Jae swallowed the sharp words on his tongue down.

Everybody handed their lyrics to Sungjin and he eyed them shortly before reading Jae's part of the lyrics again. Then he looked at Jae, his eyes showing his anger, fist reaching out for Jae's collar. With one strong pull he shoved Jae next to him, pointing at the paper. “What the hell is this? What part of “I expect them to be as good as usual” didn't you get? You better write this shit again, or you won't get any parts in the new songs”, Sungjin looked like he was about to punch the shit out of Jae, but Jae's fist were also clenched in anger and hell, he was ready to punch back.  
“Well, I don't think that my lyrics are shitty and you can be sure that I won't write them again. At least I can write a full sentence without a spelling mistake; qualities which aren't given to everyone I think”, Jae's words sounded malicious in Sungjin's ears and he moved one step closer, his fist nearly ripping Jae's hoodie.

Sungjin's mouth was only inches from Jae's ear away, his breath hitting Jae's ear. “You better show some manners or I'll show you what you're parents did wrong when they raised you”. Jae just wanted to wipe away the cold sweat running down his spine, before shoving Sungjin away from him and taking a few steps back. 

“I promise you that my parents didn't do anything wrong”, with this words, Jae grabbed his backpack and left the room immediately, leaving three laughing member and a thoughtfully Brian behind.

He didn't want them to see his tears.

The others already had left the studio, spreading in the dark night, but Brian was still there, writing his own lyrics; the lyrics nobody ever will get to see. This lyrics were just for him, not commercial, not sold out, not written for the sake of his members.

He had some struggle with one part of the third stanza and sighed, to lean his head on the wall against his back, closing his tired eyes for a second. When he opened them again, he saw Jae's lyrics on the table, shining white in the slightly moonlight. Brian licked his lips once, not sure if he really should read them, but then couldn't resist. He wanted to know what so “shitty” was, because Jae mostly wrote the best lyrics of the band.

Did you never suffer,  
when you stood in front of the mirror  
and tried to feel beautiful?  
Did you never fail,  
when you studied for your exams  
and wrote an F in response?  
Did you never lie,  
when somebody asked you if you were fine  
and you answered with “yes”?  
Did you never cry,  
when you were alone  
and tried to be happy?  
You never did?  
But the scars on your arms tell me another story.  
Maybe we just weren't supposed to be.  
But I had loved the Young of you  
just as much as I had loved the Hyun.  
It's terrible to wait for someone you know who'll never come.  
You made me fall in the boundless deep  
and I'm drowning in the dark see,  
searching for my harbour.  
But my seconds are counted  
and the see seems getting deeper.  
Sunset and evening star  
but there's no one calling for me  
when I have finally crossed the bar.

Brian was never that quiet after reading Jae's lyrics.

He came home late this night, taking Jae's lyrics with him, to hide them under his pillow. He wanted that these lyrics would be his little secret. A secret written for him. A secret, nobody's allowed to know. Maybe it was heartless, but that was the last part of Jae he didn't want to share with the world.

They had to appear on one of the countless asc episodes the next day and this time Kevin was the mc instead of Jae, so Jae could just be a normal guest one time. They talked about their new album, the following promotions and their actual life. Then the fan segments came up and one of the questions was something about their families.

“Okay, I see that there's someone who's interested in your family situations. What about the support from your family and do they like to see you appearing on tv and everything”, Jimin asked, reading the question on the screen.

“Yeah, my famil-”, when Wonpil grabbed the microphone, Brian immediately started to zoom out again and just stared at the camera awkwardly, until he had to speak. Almost everyone, except Jae, had talked about their family and Brian wasn't really surprised about that. 

Jae stopped telling anyone something about his family maybe one or two months before they debut. Nobody knew why, but also nobody had the intentions to change that – Brian tried one time, but when Jae didn't show any signs of answering, he also stopped.

“But Jae, you're so quiet today! What about your family?”, Kevin asked, making sure he's still being polite. Jae just sighed quietly, sadness sparkling in his eyes for maybe one second. Someone handed Jae the microphone and he grabbed it, his sleeve from his hoodie falling down a bit, exposing the white skin on his left arm.

“My dad died of cancer when I was five”, Jae didn't say anything more, but it was enough to make Jimin swallow hardly. It wasn't usual that someone sound so careless when you talk about you dead father. “An-and your mom?”, Kevin looked like he would pass out every second, because he was as white as the wall behind him.

“Well, my mom was very excited to see me on tv and on live stages and so was I. I promised her in my lately trainee days that I would greet her on tv and tell her I love her,”, Jae took a short breath before continuing speaking with his voice full of bitterness, “but the timing didn't work out”.

Everyone went completely silent when Jae put the microphone down, but Jae just smiled and handed it back to Wonpil. Kevin changed the topic and it gave Brian the short chance to quickly shove Jae's sleeve down to cover the purple scars on his wrist.

Jae's mind went blank when he noticed Brian's movement, but he was smart enough to say nothing.

When they came it home it was just horrible. The other members also had noticed the purplish scars on Jae's wrist, disfiguring his white skin. Dowoon immediately grabbed Jae's wrist after the dorm's door had closed behind them, pushing Jae against the wall and shoving up his sleeve, revealing the uncountable scars.

“Why?”, was Dowoon's only question and it could be friendly if there wasn't the slightly anger and abomination in his voice. “You better mind your own business!”, Jae ripped his hand out of Dowoon's strong grip and shoved his sleeve back down.

“You just made it to our business”, Wonpil showed up next to Dowoon, leaning a hand against the wall, close to Jae's face. Jae sighed loudly, frowning. “I stopped, okay?”, he looked like he had a terrible headache and Brian just wanted to get him out of this situation.

“That's sad”, Dowoon started. “I know, but I stopped”, Jae sighed again. “No, I meant that it's sad that you stopped”, Dowoon's smile was malignant and hateful. “You deserve it”, and Wonpil's laughter sounded like screams in Jae's ears.

But Jae shoved Dowoon and Wonpil away, turning around and heading to his bedroom in silence, holding back his tears. But Brian heard the swallow in Jae's throat.

Brian read Jae's lyrics again this night and everything started to make sense. When Jae stopped talking about his family it was the same time when his mother died. And this lyrics weren't just lyrics. 

Brian cried the whole night, because this wasn't just someone's story. It was Jae's story.

He tried to speak to Jae through the next three days, but Jae didn't want to leave his room. Every morning, Brian would go to Jae, bringing him some food and asking if he was okay. He never got an answer.

Brian also came on the fourth day, waking Jae up as usual. “Here's your food”, Brian wasn't really able to say more than these completely unnecessary words. Brian was nearly out of the room, when he swallowed the lump in his throat and turned around to Jae, who was sitting on his bed, staring at the white wall. 

“Jae, we need to talk”, and Jae's head shoot up in seconds, eyes wide open. But then he noticed the calm expression on Brian's face and his facial expressions relaxed, lips curling up in a small smile. “You found out, didn't you?”.

Brian closed the door, shutting the loudness of sharing a dorm with three other people and sat down on Jae's bed. “I did. And it scares me”. “Why does it scare you?”, Jae asked confused and Brian didn't know how to explain, why he's afraid of the thought that his best friend wanted to die.

“You want to die, Jae. I think that's reason enough”, Brian looked at Jae, eyes full of pity, but Jae hide his face in his white bedsheets. “Yah, don't look at me like this!”, Jae laughed and grabbed Brian's wrist, stroking them slowly. “I've had so much time, Brian and I was glad that I could spent it with you. But time is so cruel, because there's still so much of it I'm not supposed to spend with you. The more we spend together, the more I miss you”, Jae's hands were smooth on Brian's wrist.

“But aren't you afraid? Not even a bit?”, Brian didn't want to, but asked and Jae laughed again, but then suddenly got serious, looking at Brian, eyes full with love.

“But Brian, you have to understand that people aren't afraid of death itself. People are afraid of what comes after death”, Jae said softly, stood up, grabbed his jacket and left Brian completely stunned in his room. Seconds later Brian heard the door shut.

The next morning was fresh and sunny, drew was on the still blooming petals from the flowers outside. It was one of Jae's mornings. They had a meeting earlier, so Brian made his way to the studio at 9 am, waiting for the other members to flood in and fill the room with life, or at least for the time of the meeting which requires one hour from 10:30 till 11:30 am.

Dowoon, Sungjin and Wonpil were three minutes late and everybody went to his seat, not talking neither being on their phone. They settled down and just continued being quiet, staring at each other, until Sungjin started to talk about some unnecessary promotions till the meeting was other. 

The fifth chair stayed empty.

**Author's Note:**

> thank y'all for reading and yeh. leave kudos if ya liked it and I dunno when I post the third part. annyeong  
> bittersweetyugyeom.
> 
> [6.6.17]


End file.
